October 20, 2007

Joe Torre Wants to be in the Glass Industry

By Paul Bieber

On a delayed flight a couple of years ago I was sitting next to Joe Torre, and we had time to really understand each other. He told me about baseball and dealing with George Steinbrenner, and I told him about the glass industry and Chuck Kaplanek. I told him how happy I was, and he told me how unhappy he was. The boss DOES make all the difference. He was so impressed that he said he would be glad to join Floral Glass if he ever left baseball.

Well, everyone who can read a newspaper knows that Joe is now out of work in one of the more classless ways ever dreamed up by an idiotic boss.

Joe called me and said he was ready to start working. I explained to him that the business had been sold to Oldcastle Glass and we were not able to hire him, as we were no longer involved with the firm. This is when he threw me the curve ball. Joe said, “Well, since I can’t work for Chuck, why don’t you become my agent and get me a job in the glass industry you love so much?”

After an hour on the phone, Joe appointed me as exclusive bargaining agent for the glass industry. I asked him why glass. He said he had been following the industry ever since our chance encounter in that airplane and he saw an industry that was slow and steady, no ups and downs like a pennant race. He also read stories about glass tops breaking all over the country, and he figured that someone has to replace them, so why not him? The main reason, he said, was because I had told him about low-e glass, and that soon, everyone in the world would be using low-e, and he figured that would be a lot of people for him to sell glass to.

So…to the glass industry of the United States of America…I hereby offer the services of Joe Torre, manager extraordinaire, to work for your company. Here is what he feels would be appropriate for a man of his experience:

•A three-year, no-cut contract.

•Steady year-round work…he is tired of only working the spring and summer, and an occasional fall.

•A company with a Chief Executive who doesn’t interfere with employees way down the line.

•A firm that sells low-E glass.

•Third-base coach on the company softball team.

•Joe wants to use his experience with the Japanese market, but admits no experience with European countries (Please, someone tell this to Asahi/AGC).

•He would like a company that will send him to train in Florida, preferably in February or March.

•A company that is considered ‘major’ in the industry, rather than a minor player.

•A company where he doesn’t have to autograph his finished goods every day.

•A position with Lyle Hill’s company in Chicago, where he could have occasional afternoons off.

Joe has long been associated with winning. He will be able to help any company move from third place to first place in our industry. Joe guarantees that press coverage of his new employer will increase and that can only be good. He is hoping to find a company with many branches across the USA, where he can help align these branches into defined divisions, each contributing to the profit picture.

Remember, as Joe’s exclusive agent for the glass industry, I will work hard to get him into the right position. FIRST, I’ll take your phone call to talk about Joe; SECOND, we’ll set up a meeting on the THIRD of next month; don’t come up SHORT, STOP and think what Joe brings to the table; we’ll negotiate so nothing is LEFT on the table; RIGHT on! we’ll CENTER our thoughts on low-e so the sales PITCH will be OK with Joe and when we are done, we’ll CATCH some sleep after this negotiation.

Don’t make an error, Hire Joe (and his wordy agent). Email me at (what else) paulbaseball@msn.com.