October 28, 2007

Rudy Guiliani Wants in Too!

By Paul Bieber

I have been inundated with calls and mail from the glass industry in response to last week’s blog on Joe Torre joining the glass industry. I’ll easily place him. The most surprising call, though, was from Rudy Guiliani, who said, he, too, was interested in the glass industry. I thought somebody was pulling my leg, but I called back and indeed it was hiz honor.

Rudy said, that while he was sure of becoming the next President, he wanted to have a fallback–just in case. He told me that any job that was good enough for Joe Torre was just perfect with him. We discussed his work history and what he was looking for, and came up with these ‘talking points’ for Rudy’s campaign to get a job in the glass industry.

•In his last job, as Mayor of NYC, he negotiated with Unions on many issues. Rudy knows there are many unionized glass companies and he knows he can help them stare down the unions.

•Rudy fought the Mafia with great success. Just put him loose in your accounts receivable office and you will have no bad debts–guaranteed.

•Rudy knows quite a bit about Bullet and Blast Resistant glazing.

•Rudy told me that glass is important and should not be legislated away because it breaks. He thinks office workers everywhere should have a glass window to look out of.

•Mr. Mayor, ever the leader, wants to change the name of low-e to High-E, figures it will sell better.

•Since Rudy has been married three times, he knows all about family plans in medical insurance, payroll deductions, and prepaid legal plans, therefore he could run any glass company’s HR department.

•Rudy has also been impressed with glass and mirror. He has a mirror in his office, in his house and on his campaign bus that he looks at every chance he can.

•Since Rudy is traveling back and forth between New Hampshire, Iowa, Michigan and Florida, he knows all the airline schedules and could help a company’s travel department.

•Rudy prefers a company with a Republican base, no wait, now it’s a liberal base, no wait, now it’s a conservative base…don’t worry about this…he’ll fit in anywhere.

•Rudy figures he can help a nation-wide company sell their glass in New York City…after all every single person in New York believes him and will buy from him.

•His only strange request is that he not have to entertain guests and visitors at a Mets game. Once a closed mind, always a closed mind.

•Please note–he may not be available until June, or maybe November.

So, he would be the perfect person to help any glass company. As before, please send your job requirements and offering salary to me at paulbaseball@msn.com and I’ll make sure that Rudy follows up on all serious offers.