December 22, 2008

New Year’s Wishes and Resolutions

By Paul Bieber


TO: Everyone in Glassland

From: The Resolution Keeper

Subject: New Year’s Wishes and Resolutions–January 09

The High Council has decided on the regulations for resolutions and wishes this year from resolvers involved in the glass industry. Please follow these guidelines:

•Business will not come in the door just because you ask the Council

•The energy surcharge will not, repeat not, disappear, not matter how much you beg

•For every five pounds you resolve to lose, the council will grant a one percent increase in sales

•We will honor all requests to reduce telephone sales calls for office supplies

•Under no circumstances can we sink any ships coming to the US from China

•We will consider your requests, on a case-by-case basis, for improvements in your accounts receivables, provided you get all credits issued on a timely basis

•No, we will not allow the invention of a portable tempering oven to be sold by CRL for under $10,000

•Lyle, stop asking for more publicity for Chicago…you got enough this year already

•We will randomly award ten shops around the country a free parking pass, making all parking tickets disappear without paying…apply now for one of the ten passes

•If you resolve to quit smoking, and do so for three months, you will be given a new source of tempered glass that does know how to affix the proper labels to glass

•Sorry, the Council has no authority to meddle into either the Cubs or the Mets

•We do have the power to intervene in your worker’s comp rates, but you really have to offer something great in your resolution

•We cannot move the National Glass Show to a northern city so you don’t have to travel…are you crazy?

•Even if you hold your breath until you turn blue, we cannot stop the consolidation in the auto glass industry…we tried already, but we were too late

•If you succeed in your resolution not to swear at work for two months, you will get the Macy’s contract at the mall

•If you ask nicely, Bill in the shipping department will retire in June

•If enough of you ask for the same thing, we will do it…after all, look what we did for gas prices in the last couple of months

•For Sam in Springfield, we cannot get you a ticket to the inauguration…you voted for the other guy anyway

•Dear Deb, yes it is worth it