June 20, 2009

The Glass Industry Horoscope

By Paul Bieber

You have been asking for this for years. Begging is really more like it. So, here it is, your glass and metal industry horoscope.

Aries (March 21-April 19) You are a great communicator, except when you owe money to your tempered glass fabricator. Spend more time with your family, with your business, with your relatives, and with your religious life. So what if you don’t get any sleep. Tough it out. You should sell more picture frames.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) You have great people skills. You should meet each and every customer who comes into your shop. If you are on the road, keep a video camera at your store so you can watch who walks in on your portable SmartPhone. Don’t trust the clerks in your store. Ever. Get rid of the drug-addict kid on the screen table.

Gemini (May 21-June 20) Why are you in the glass business? You used to own a vending machine route and then bought a glass shop. Go back to selling Dr. Pepper. Learn from your experiences–maybe you can invent a coin-operated machine that will clean the inside of an IG unit. Be sure to shop around when you buy IG units.

Cancer (June 21-July 22) You will have a great month of July in business, unless you plan to close for a month because of lack of business. Cancel your vacation plans and be prepared to work 31 days in July. If you don’t have a great month, start a career as a columnist and blogger for US Glass.

Leo (July 23-Aug 22) The only Leo I knew in the glass business was Leo Karas of Boston. He ran a great glass business. Unless your name is Leo Karas, don’t do business in Boston, ever. If your name is Leo McGillacuddy and you are in Poughkeepsie, don’t go into the glass business. Pay your worker’s comp insurance this week, even if it is not due.

Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22) You are the leader in the glass business on the west side of town, but you are getting your brains beat in on the east side. Such is life for a Virgo. To sell more on the east side do what every business person should not do…lower your prices to the point that you will put yourself out of business. This will be a successful strategy for you.

Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22) You need to relax more. Since you are loosing money for every hour you are open, you will save by closing from noon to 3:00 pm every day. Continue having all of your family on the payroll, paying them for these hours even though you will be closed. You business problems will be over by the end of the year. That’s a promise.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21) Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow. If you break this streak, your whole life will be upset. Continue paying all bills late, return phone calls no earlier than two days, and answer your email only once per week. You have proven this works for you. Don’t change now…your business path is set–don’t try to change it.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21) The Sagittarius has a split personality. Tell your customers one thing, but continue to do something else. You will keep everyone off balance and keep them guessing about you. Your competition is worse off than you, so don’t worry, be happy.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19) Let the inner child in you come out to help your business. Start writing all of your work orders in blue crayon. Sign your checks in red crayon. Always use blunt nose scissors, and be sure to use Elmer’s white glue when setting glass. Silicone is for grown-up use. Be sure to put the phone books on the seat of the truck so you can see over the steering wheel.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18) Wake up early every day this week. You are the bird that is catching the worm. Contractors who call you before 7:00 am and ask if your crew will be at their job site will appreciate your personal touch on the phone when you tell them the tempered came in without the holes.

Pisces (Feb 19-March 20) All Pisces people should spend Wednesday going fishing. Close the business and encourage all of your employees to join you…the ones that do should be told that overtime will not apply today.