October 11, 2009

Lyle Hill Should Have Won The Nobel Peace Prize

By Paul Bieber

He’s from Chicago; people read what he writes; he has negotiated a peaceful settlement with the all the union trades in the glass industry; he was disappointed when the Olympics went south; who is this super man?

It is really Lyle Hill who should have won the Nobel Prize.

The comments after the announcement could fit either man to a “T”:

“Why Him?”

“Maybe he will do more in the future.”

“It was done with smoke and mirrors.”

I have learned that Lyle’s cadre of fiendish friends stuffed the ballot box in Oslo. You know who they are–led by the Mooch. They went by the hundreds to vote for Lyle. They even had his name written down on their shirt sleeves so they wouldn’t forget it. They sneaked into the room with the ballot box and opened the ballots. That’s when the panic ensued. Lyle’s name was not on the ballot, and there was no room for a write-in. They looked at each other and said that since President Obama was from Chicago, that would be close enough. Everyone would know that if someone from Chicago won, people would know it really would be Lyle. So they voted for President Obama.

The right-wingers have all complained about the President getting the prize, but not a one of them has suggested an alternative. We have to start a “Substitute Lyle For Oslo” campaign. We need to put this on billboards along Lake Michigan, and shout it from the top of the Ferris wheel at Navy Pier. Every email you send should include the “Substitute Lyle” mantra.

If you rearrange the letters in Rush Limbaugh’s name, it spells: “Lyle Hill is the best guy to ever come out of Chicago and he deserves the prize.” (Rush has a long middle name that not many know!)

During the last century, at a Cubs game, Lyle bought some Cracker Jacks, and pulled a prize with two parts. It was his first 2-piece prize, and ever since then, he knew this Oslo based thing was his destiny.

Let us all come together to support a peaceful man, in our peaceful industry, from the non-partisan city of Chicago.

P.S. If Lyle does win, he gets $1,400,000 as a gift from the Nobel Institute. I hope that Lyle will donate this to the new owners of the Chicago Cubs to help them sign pitching. Thanks, Lyle.

Author’s Note: I am very proud that our American President was honored by the Nobel Committee. The world hopes that President Obama will lead us to a more peaceful earth.