January 11, 2010

New Government Regulations Can Hit Glass Shops

By Paul Bieber

Yes, it is true, the new regulations can have a very strong influence on glass shops around the country if you do business with any branch of government. After the attempted airline bombing on Christmas Day, all glass workers entering secure job sites, schools, airports, train and bus stations and private homes within thirty miles of any of the above, are going to be involved in underwear checking.

From various sources, none of whom can be named, I have learned the procedure:

At each covered location, there will be an inspector from the UID (Underwear Inspection Division) of the government. Each glass shop worker will have to show his underwear and be subject to a search. It should take no more than a minute, one source said. For the moment, only men will be searched.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it. My extensive research of the glass industry has shown me the problems that will exist:

  • 12% of our workers don’t wear underwear. In these cases the inspection goes to an in-depth search.
  • 9% of men wear women’s underwear. These men will have quicker search, as it is harder to hide explosives in a thong.
  • 43% of workers in Chicago, Minneapolis and Cleveland wear long johns in the winter. This inspection will take longer, obviously. Be sure to allow for extra time in your work schedule.
  • 8% of workers wear an athletic supporter. Rules are still being formed for this, but my sources tell me supporters won’t be exempted from the inspection.

What can a glass shop owner do?

  • Before your men leave the shop, have your inspection so there will be no surprises at the job site.
  • Give a fresh pair of underwear, every day, to all workers. This may be expensive, but will save you in the long run with reduced inspection time. Pay 50% of the cost of the long johns.
  • Hire only women.
  • Buy stock in Hanes and BVD.
  • Read Paul’s blog every week to keep up on the changing regulations.

The only comment on the record is from Mollie, one of the inspectors in the New Hampshire Division of the UID, “I will be checking every man in my region making sure his underwear only contains what it should.”

I, for one, am proud of the glass industry workers who will drop everything for the sake of safety.