November 22, 2010

A Conversation with a Wild Turkey

By Paul Bieber

My blog readers know that Elaine and I live on the side of a mountain in rural New Hampshire. On Friday, I was leaving my driveway and ran into a major traffic jam. There was a whole herd of wild turkeys crossing the road in front of our house.

At least twenty turkeys were in line. Slowly walking across the street, one at a time. There were small ones, big ones, and ugly ones. Well, they were all ugly, but since they can’t read this blog, I can say what I want. They were also cute, in an ugly sort of way.

So, this big one, at least twenty-five pounds, walks to the side of my car and says to me, “What’s your rush…the family will be out of your way in a couple of minutes.”

Surprised was I.

I told him I had never talked with a winged-turkey before. (There are definitely some human ones that have been in my life) He replied, “Usually, there is no reason for us to talk to humans, so we don’t, but you look like you need someone to talk to.” Elaine had been away for a week visiting a friend, and he was right…I needed someone to talk to.

I asked him which of the twenty turkeys were from his family. He replied, “They all were either his wives or his children.” I guess that makes up for being called ugly.

Then it hit me, Thanksgiving was only a couple of days away. Now, we had seen packs of turkeys before, but they usually disappeared around this time of year. I asked him if he had seen a calendar lately. He responded, ” Sure, you guys are having Thanksgiving soon, and I am taking the family to a secluded pond for the week. We don’t like to be around humans this week. They always try to catch us, and I don’t know what happens after that…no one from my family has ever come back to tell us.” I asked him why humans thought turkeys were so dumb, since obviously, he was very smart and could talk.

He replied, “We don’t want humans to bother us, so we just pretend to be disinterested.” We talked about the Red Sox’ chances for next year, and what the upcoming winter would be like.

As the last of his family crossed the road, he asked my what I did for a living. I replied that I am a consultant in the glass industry, and that I write for US Glass Magazine and write a weekly blog. He simply looked over his shoulder at me as he walked away and said………

Okay, readers, here is your chance…what did the turkey say to me…send your comments to me at and I will publish them next week. Go ahead…take your best shot. And have a great Thanksgiving.