January 24, 2011

This Blog Has Gone to the Dogs

By Paul Bieber

It was seventeen degrees below zero here last night, and I was just sitting around with our dog, Mollie, when she told me these stories. I thought my readers would like them.

A dog wearing a glazier’s tool belt walks into a busy diner, sits down at the counter, and orders the blue plate special.

“Oh my gosh,” says the waitress. “You can talk!”

“Your ears work well, says the dog.”

“But you are a dog,” she replies.

“Nothing wrong with your eyes either, the dog says.

“Well, what brings your in here?” she asks, seeming to get used to the idea of a talking dog.

“I’m installing glass at the building across the street and will be here for a couple of days,” he says. “I’ll probably see you at lunch time.”

A couple of days later, the circus comes to town. The ringmaster comes to the diner and the waitress tells him about the talking dog. “You should get him for your circus,” she says. “People would pay a lot of money to see a talking dog. I’ll ask him for you.”

When the dog comes in for lunch, she says, “I was talking to the circus ringmaster this morning. He’s interested in hiring you. You could make a lot of money there.”

“At the circus?” the dog asks, looking perplexed. “What do they want a glazier for?”

Mollie told me this next one is even better. Of course, I believed her.

A glazier took his dog to the vet. The vet examined the dog, took his temperature, felt his abdomen, and looked in in his mouth. When he was done, he shook his head.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “Your dog has kidney failure and only has a couple of days to live.”

The man was devastated and asked for a second opinion.

“Well, all right,”, said the vet. He picked up the phone muttering something the man couldn’t hear.

A few minutes later, a cat came walking into the room and looked over the dog over. She turned to the vet and said, “Kidney failure.”

“You musty be joking, said the glazier, becoming irate. “I’m not taking a cat’s opinion. Get someone else.”

“Very well,” said the vet, picking up the phone again. Once again, he muttered a few words and hung up.

A few minutes later, a Labroador walked in. He examined the dog brifely, then said, “Kidney failure.”

“My thoughts exactly,” said the vet.

“This is absurd,” said the glazier, “I’m leaving.”

“That will be three hundred dollars,” said the vet.

You’ve got to be kidding,” said the glazier. “Three hundred dollars for that?”

“It wasn’t just my services,” said the vet. “You also had the cat scan and the Lab report.”

Well, here’s hoping that a few readers email me some important questions about their business that I can answer in next week’s blog.