August 28, 2012


By Paul Bieber

Is it a new species of elephant?
Is it a drug that helps you lose weight?
Is it a form of writing?
Or is it pizza in an ancient Hindu language?

Ok, ‘C’ is the correct answer. This means a sentence, or two, that makes you laugh, hit your forehead with your hand, or most probably, makes you groan. Here are some examples that fit our industry.

Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.

Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

If your glass is half-full, order another beer.

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

They begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’ then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

A tube of silicone and a caulking gun isn’t the right way to stop an employee who talks too much.

Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. My estimator’s desk is a work station.

In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’

I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

If you wait to do anything  totally right in your glass shop, you’ll be out of business in three months.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

One of your employees are like a slinky–not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see him tumble down the stairs.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.

You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Why do we look at all 50 contestants for Miss America, but hire the first glazier that walks through the door?

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 


Some people cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.