April 2, 2013

I’m Just One Day Late

By Paul Bieber

I meant to publish this yesterday, but it is okay to be late once in a while. Anyway, here is news about the glass industry.

  • Hastings Glass Company, Fitzwilliam, N.H., has just announced the invention of of Low-Q glass, for customers who bring in a stretched string to show the size of their table top.  Low-Q is specifically designed for the IQ-challenged.  It is guaranteed to not fit on any side of the table, and therefore be consistent in its inconsistency.  Other triggers to qualify for Low-Q glass are asking for the glass that releases room freshener when the sun hits it and asking for the glass that changes color automatically when you repaint the room.
  • Philip’s Glass Enterprises, Washington, D.C., announces the invention of Congressional Glass.  This glass can be ordered in any size or shape, and will be delivered at least one year late.  Calling Philip’s Glass will always earn you the answer, “We are working on your glass and it should be available almost any day now.”  It seems that one cut from the stock sheet has been made on most orders, but there is a filibuster on which glass cutter to use on the trim cut.
  • Jessica’s Glass Company, Smithtown, N.Y., announces HI-E glass, shorthand for High-Expense.  HI-E glass is three times the price of its relative, Low-E glass.  Its use guarantees higher electric and heating bills and is used primarily for people who own utility company stocks.  HI-E glass is available in gold, silver and bronze tints.
  • Elaine’s Glass Company, Athol, Mass., has just announced the introduction of of Ultra-Breakable Shower Door Glass.  This ultra-thin glass is used in the shower door which your in-laws normally use.  This glass is so delicate that a loud curse word from your mother-in-law will cause fracturing.  After the second time the glass breaks and is replaced, she’ll get the hint.  Ultra-Breakable glass comes with a First Aid kit for every 50 square feet purchased.
  • Molly’s Glass Company, Dog Lake, Alaska, has announced the introduction of Dog Glass.  Dog Glass has a special patent-pending surface coating that resists nose prints on glass surfaces.  Dog fur is repelled with a built in static-generator in each door and window frame.  Dog Glass is sold in four sizes, small, medium, large and Great Dane.

Now, don’t forget to keep reading this glass industry blog for the most reliable and up-to-date news about our  industry.