December 22, 2015

Let’s Laugh Some More

By Paul Bieber

Here is a list of some of greatest sentences you’ll ever read. I hope you laugh as hard as I did!

  • A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
  • Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
  • I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
  • England doesn’t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
  • They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a typ-O.
  • The Eskimo walked into the glass shop to get a window for his home. The glass guy said he couldn’t because he ran out of ig-glue.
  • I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
  • Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
  • I know a guy who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
  • I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
  • I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
  • I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
  • The glass on the 50th floor of a high rise broke. When I called the glass guy to fix it, he said he couldn’t. He didn’t know 50 stories.
  • I didn’t like my beard at first. But then it grew on me.
  • Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
  • Broken pencils are pointless.
  • My patio door didn’t do it’s homework. The glass guy told me it failed.
  • What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
  • I dropped out of my communism class because of lousy Marx.
  • All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. They have nothing to go on.
  • I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
  • Velcro – what a rip-off!
  • Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.
  • I walked into a glass shop with a picture of my broken glass. They said they couldn’t fix it because it was only a mirror image.
  • I have a smart car with a broken windshield. The glass shop said they wouldn’t fix it because it was a wisecrack.