Real Questions From Real Readers

Hello! This is your once-in-a-random-time column of questions that I have received as a blogger for USGlass. Read on, my friends.

Q: I am a student with a choice of two careers: working in my family’s glass business or being an astronaut. What should I do?

A: An astronaut is far cooler than a storefront installer. You’ll get your picture in the paper and play with the fanciest toys in the world. Go for outer space.

Q: I work around a tempering oven where the temperature can easily be over one hundred degrees. Why does the company want me to wear safety gear that will make it even hotter?

A: Are you able to work with just one hand? If so, plan on it after you take off your safety gear. Yep.

Q: My bookkeeper has swindled us for $100K. Am I allowed to hit her in the head with a baseball bat?

A: Yes, be sure to wear gloves, as the bat may hold a fingerprint. If you are in a red state, you may consider waterboarding, or if you are in a blue state, say please return my money, and then call the cops.

Q: My glass company’s health insurance cost goes up each year. How can I lower it?

A: Wait a minute while I get my magic wand. It is the only tool which works if you want retain your employees.

Q: I am a glass cutter. Recently I changed my cutting fluid to all natural olive oil and my cuts are not breaking cleanly. Any way you can help me?

A: I am glad you are trying to do your part and not use chemicals. I tried contacting the Olive Oil Institute for an answer and all I could get was Popeye saying Olive Oil was perfect. So keep trying, and maybe use a little vinegar in the oil.

Q: I am a left-handed glass cutter. My breaks tend to run off to the left. Can I use a right-handed cutter to solve this problem?

A: Of course it will help you. But, make sure you are using either a male or female cutting wheel, based on who you are.

Q: I work in a glass company with 12 men on the inside. Usually the boss brings us a dozen donuts a couple of mornings a week. He just told us he was hiring 2 more guys on our shift. How can I make sure I get my donut?

A: The day you don’t get a donut, contact the International Association of Donut Lovers and they will take this complaint all the way to the Supreme Court. Whatever you do, don’t spend a buck and buy your own donut. That reduces your credibility as a witness.

Dear reader, as you can see, I get crazy questions. Honest. I would never make these up. Check next week for a blog that will help your business grow.