February 23, 2021

If Fernando Tatís, Jr. Can Get A Baseball Contract For $340 Million Over 14 Years, Why Can’t I Get the Same Here?

By Paul Bieber

It’s only fair. Here is my petition. USGlass should give me such a contract. Fernando has only played for a couple of years and I’ve been blogging 13 years.

Fernando is surely great in baseball, but can he write? After all, I am a huge baseball fan and some people think I can be a baseball player and a writer. I am way ahead on points in this race.

I write 24 blogs a year. I really only want to earn $1,000,000 per blog. Fernando is making $24,285,714 per year. So I would make less than he does. At my age, am I being discriminated against?

Just think of the dozens of extra readers I bring to USGlass. Aren’t they worth something to Deb Levy, the publisher? And, I am not asking for extra payments for these readers. C’mon Deb, you make a ton of money on these extra dozens. Dear reader, don’t you think I deserve my million?

I have written some real barking dogs of blogs in the years, but don’t the really good blogs make up for it? So here is a compromise, Deb. We can hire a retired Supreme Court Justice or a sitting Virginia judge, to decide if my blog is worthy in the week it is published. If the Justice says it is a good blog, payment is due in five days. On the other hand, if the Justice says a specific blog is, indeed, that barking dog, then you send the money to an agreed upon charity. This sounds fair to me.

Also, since I am sure we will come to a good compromise, I won’t tell our other great bloggers about this. If we all got our million per, that might be asking a little too much. They are really good writers, most better than me, but I have this idea first. So, I get the big bucks.

So, dear reader, I have heard a rumor that Deb is going to write a counterpoint to my simple request and she will set up a poll to see what our readers say. If I win and get my millions, I will send $100 to each person who votes that I should get paid. Yes, this is called buying votes. I’m OK with that.

Don’t be swayed by Deb’s comments. I deserve this. If I don’t get my million, I may quit and answer the call to the New York Mets to sell hot dogs in right field.

Dear Paul,

Thanks for your blog—I think. After all these years of writing, I have never responded to one immediately but this one deserves it—you are a Natural who belongs in the Major League. First off, let me say you more than deserve a $1 million a blog, no doubt. Writers like you are in a League of Their Own. Unfortunately there is something called the “salary cap” that limits us and keeps us from going astray and ending up in a Field of Dreams. I know you want to play Moneyball, Paul, but there’s just not enough green in The Sandlot for that. And yes, I know great writers like David Anthony Durham always promote themselves and their value but to them, and you, I say “Bull, Durham.”

Debra Levy