November 2, 2021

Let’s Have Some Fun For Halloween–2 Days Later

By Paul Bieber

Halloween was Sunday. Today is Tuesday. I couldn’t come up with a serious topic today, so let’s have some fun.

All right, everybody line up alphabetically, according to height.– Casey Stengel

There was a safety meeting at work today. They asked me, “What steps would you take in the event of a fire?”

“Big Ones,” was the wrong answer.

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.–Erma Bombeck

This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.–Mark Twain

Five out of four people admit they’re bad with fractions.

Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course. Houses can’t jump.

Orville Wright said to his brother, Wilbur, “You were only in the air for ten seconds. How could my luggage be in Cleveland?”–Red Buttons

I was wondering why this frisbee kept looking bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

I was a bookkeeper for 15 years. My town library was not happy about it.

The neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs. We had been his customers for eight years. We had no idea he was a barber.

One hundred years ago, everyone had a horse and only the rich had cars. Nowadays everyone has a car and only the rich have horses. Oh, how the stables have turned.

I was watching a dog chasing its tail thinking “dogs are easily amused” and then I realized I was watching a dog chasing its tail.

I used to run a dating service for chickens. But I was struggling to make hens meet.

So, my dear readers, please send me your very best one-line jokes. I’ll publish them soon.